August 27, 2004

 zap said:

Who did this to you da?
:)

August 27, 2004

 dewdrop said:

welcome back :-)

August 27, 2004

 Rahul said:

Zap my love,
This anecdote unlike my stories does not contain any twists(except maybe lime twists)where the identity of the author is suddenly revealed in full. Ice & Lime exists and has assured me over mail that he has not gone red in the face.
Now stop playing Sherlock Holmes, Critic-man and Ridicule-hole on random and not to random blogs and make use of your brilliant innate humor and go write something for us.

Everyone,
Zap is my closest friend of 11 years, Business partner and entrepreneur at large and a genius at absurd humor. He right now is most probably writing three books but believes that the full effects of his writing are best revealed in one swift sweeping motion rendered complete by the absence of popular critiques. For those of you who have not been treated with his writing yet, here is a small excerpt he sent me via mail some time back...one of the many experiments he churns out on a regular basis in complete disregard for everything. He hides them in a brown wooden box in the reccesses of his cupboard.

Inspector Allosius walked into the room where the suicide had taken place. The alleged sucide.
He took a look at the body of Chamanlal Chiropractor which stood out like the centerpiece of the room.
Chamanlal had, curiously enough, been the most successful chiropractor in town. The room Inspector Allosius stood in was large but specious. Which meant that the illusion of space was just that, an illusion. It was painted all yellow, had three chairs and a corner table.
This corner table was right in the center of the room and was adorned by the prostrate form of the deceased Chamanlal Chiropractor.
A bottle of sleeping pills stood right next to the table on the floor and screamed for attention.
Using the bottle of pills as a paper weight was a yellow sheet of paper which lay langurously, fluttering in the soft breeze from the ceiling fan, knowing fully well that it did not need to scream for attention. It was the Suicide Note.
The suicide note read [ i.e. the Suicide Note was read by Inspector Allosius ] " I leave all my property and assets to my wife and 3 sons in equal shares. In the eventuality of my total asset value, refusing to be divided neatly by four, i leave the rest to whoever finds me dead. I have quickly calculated this figure and it comes to Rupees 15034. I am not killing myself over any incident or reason in particular, it is just that I can't see the point of it all, and I'd much rather die than pay for my sons' diesel or phone bills. Also, I know I should not bring this up now, but tell my wife that she is actually a dwarf and I had all the stuff in the house made to size to give her an impression that she was not. And tell my second son, Champak that his actual name is Champak Champak Chakku Chakklilal. Lastly tell the wife that I did have those 18 affairs and stole her sisters tampon when she needed it the most. "

Inspector Allosius took one look at the room, and knew there was something amiss. This was largely because of the way Chamanlal's body was arranged. One hand was held out in a stop signal and the other held a table lamp. This struck Inspector Allosius as decidedly odd, though it didn't occur to him immediately, why.

He called in the Paper Delivery Boy who had discovered the Body.

"Why are you so glum, boy? Never seen a dead body before?", asked the Inspector.
"No" said the Paper Delivery Boy.
This abrupt answer put the shy Inspector Allosius in a quandry as to how to keep the conversation going. Why did he have to question suspects and witnesses he wondered.
"er...Why are you so glum, boy?", he floundered again.
At which the.........

August 27, 2004

 Rahul said:

Thank you dew :-)

August 27, 2004

 A Chrysanthemum by any other name... said:

Heyy really,
Welcome back. I really dont have anything to write, but as a good blogger, i was obliged to comment. And having opened the comment link....

August 27, 2004

 dewdrop said:

hey..thats a tease if anything...what abt the rest? zap ne tho apna blog shutdown kar diya...

August 27, 2004

 A Chrysanthemum by any other name... said:

Obviously he will shutdown his blog if rahul posts one of zap's worst writings to showcase! heres something better.

Gleaming at the sorry sight of the broken watch, the
pill gloated, "I am sorry for you dear, but in this state, I don't see Arun looking at you much".

"The sugar coating just does not work, does it? You
are bitter as ever", said the mirror, "You cant get over the fact that Arun needs you only when he is under the weather; and even then you are pretty substitutable with any of your other mycin cousins. Stop picking on little Titan".

Titan looked at the mirror gratefully, but only saw
his own ugly deformed shape. The tears settled on the broken pieces of glass as he remembered the days he strutted about in his golden strap. All he did was unwind all day only to be wound again the next day by Arun. But there was a certain timeless joy that ....... The indignant screeching of the air conditioner broke his reverie.

The AC always stood up for the pill. A very symbiotic
relationship, they enjoyed. When the pill needed some attention, the AC sent powerful gusts of recycled pollution towards Arun until he needed the pill. And when the AC got bored of being switched off and needed some exercise, the pill would temporarily deactivate the cough so that Arun would boldly switch the AC on.

"Little Titan", the curtain squealed in a poor imitation of the regal mirror. "Serves him right. When he gives out that wimpy alarm, I get tugged and pulled awake." The side table whined "Every night Arun takes off that snooty watch and places it on me, but I am sure if I were to disappear one day, he would not notice." The spectacle stifled a chortle " You think he
neglects you; when Arun eyes his precious watch, he
just looks right through me."

"Shut up all of you. What would any of you know about
being treated like a door mat", said the doormat. Then winking at the others, "Titan is to be mended, I heard it said, but you know how things change after plastic
surgery. -he- he- he- he ...............flop...umph... ouch... yelp...people are so terri....... hrrrmph "

The night passed ... which if you are an object, can
be a very long time.

The next day, Arun woke up with a start, realising
that he had another tough day ahead. He looked around the room groggily. The high rasping cough resonated above the sickly hum of the air conditioner. The pill looked up at him expectantly. The curtain, wide-awake, expected to be freed from the harsh rays of the sun. The side table dexterously toppled over as Arun
snatched at his watch, but he did not seem to notice.
The spectacle resigned itself to adorning the bridge of his nose. (At least he was safe; he had heard from the PC that Rosh had declined to rearrange that wonderful nose).

The doormat stood fresh and chirpy waiting to be acknowledged even if only stamped on.

But with a quick and highly approving nod at the
mirror, Arun looked at the broken watch he wanted to
get mended soon, " I have absolutely no time. I gotta
rush" And he stormed out leaving the pantheon inanimate
objects muttering curses at the broken watch.

August 28, 2004

 zap said:

Hello boys.
I am thrilled to bits with all the praise which is being flung at me hard enough to sting.
I'm sure this line of conversation is helping you guys passtime a lil better.
Have ye your fun.

August 28, 2004

 zap said:

And hey Dewdrop.. Zap ka blogger wala blog, blog hi nahin tha. Those posts were rag tag bits from a blog i ran at rediffblogs for abt 6 months last year.
These guys are talking me over for lack of conversational epigrams.. I am too lazy to blog any more.