| |
|
| |
 |
| July 18, 2004
, 8:45 PM |
| The Patient |
Everyone agreed that Doctor Gary Walsh was a very exact man. He adhered to a strict regimen. Right from the time he woke up, which was at six every morning, and throughout the entire day until 10:45 in the night, when he finally switched off his bedside lamp, after completing the hour he allocated to himself, with an improving book.
This particular attribute was something that manifest in every aspect of his life from his taste in clothes (oxford tie, plain white shirt and gray trousers), to his hair (a carefully trimmed thick mustache and a neat and completely shaven, shining pate) and to his taste in music (only classics).
He ate lunch every afternoon at 1:00pm and dinner every night at 8:00pm. He ‘relaxed’ every Friday evening at six with two glasses of merlot and he seldom changed his schedule during the entire week. He was quite predictable in the way he greeted his patients and the duration he spent with them. Hence it was no subject of great amazement that the morning his wife left him, he went to his office exactly at 8:00am, as he did everyday.
He had found a letter from his wife that morning on the pillow beside him.
‘Dear Gary’ it read ‘It takes a lifetime to find happiness. Sometimes it takes a lifetime to lose it. In you I thought I had found it and you are everything I have ever wanted. I do not know if this is the end of what could have been. There have been times when I wondered if it was worth it. The endless quarrels we had. The mindless differences. The shouting. The coldness …...........and yet as I write this letter I realise I have no reason I can give you that will explain why I am leaving you. It is not that you have been unkind to me, it is not that you have not loved me enough. It is just that I couldn't love your for the failings you didn't have....and for the ones that you did. – Sarah”
The letter was neatly folded. The folds stuck to each other with dried tears.
To look at Gary Walsh one wouldn’t expect a soft hearted person. With a thick mustache, tight firm jaw and deep brown expressionless deep-set eyes, he looked like a man impervious to emotions. This however was far from the case. As he looked at the crumpled letter that lay on his desk - from the wear of uncountable readings since morning – a mind numbing weariness stole over him. He sat thus for a few minutes going over the past few years in his mind. The years had been beautiful…and almost as much they had been comfortable.
Sarah had always been the more romantically inclined of the two and their courtship had the peculiar quality of a grown up appeasing a child. In spite of this one idiosyncrasy, both were without a doubt quite deeply in love with each other and they cut a fine picture of a contented couple.
Sarah with her straight black hair, oval face and slim body. Gary a little heavily set with chiseled looks and a full head of blond hair. Both with eyes only for each other. Neither would a casual observer have been disappointed in the truth, because for the first few years they truly were happy, but then again the human mind is what the human mind makes of itself.
As the days passed by each became more set in their own ways. Gary with his pragmatism and regularity and Sarah with a taste for the unexpected which was insatiable, partly due to the lack of any effort on Gary’s part. Upon a first glance these reasons wouldn’t seem to matter so much but then again the marriage had the misfortune of affluence, with no problems that couldn’t be solved with wealth. There was never an occasion for each to admire any qualities the other might have possessed which were more than a few layers deep.
Gary already had a successfully psychiatric practice by the time they married and the days passed onto one another with little or no change. He was too much in love with his subject and the hours he spent on his books, when not at his clinic, were of little help to the marriage.
Sarah was never inclined towards a career but first out of boredom and then out of desperation for her husband’s attention, got involved in the day to day business of his clinic. Consequently she saw even less of her husband and more of the highly dedicated professional that Gary was. They seldom talked about anything other than work any more. Gary sometimes forgot she was his wife but Sarah never forgot that she was, giving enough room for that glass wall to come up between them.
It had started with little things as so many problems are apt to. Little conversations left where one felt the other had left something unsaid. Little promises forgotten. Little upsets at the office brought back home. Idiosyncrasies that were once endearing, now unbearable. Little conversations that once existed.
Sitting in his office partly dark, the lights switched off, the only window in the room with its shutters down, Gary thought back with his eyes closed and his fingers making little circles on his forehead. There were too many questions. “How could I have been so blind? How did it come to this? I, of all people, should have known”. The silent ticking of the clock on his desk seemed to provide some measure of comfort. So he sat unwilling to feel, too tired to think, the body willing but the mind weary with 14 years of things not done.
The phone rang. Loud, demanding attention and crashing into his reverie.
“Hello”
“Doctor your 10 o’ clock appointment was cancelled by the patient but we have someone we can fill in for that slot. Would you like me to send him in? It is a Mr.Henry Branchest”
Gary didn’t reply.
“Doctor, are you there? Would you like me to send him in?”
“Yes. Send him in.”
Gary got up poured himself a glass of water, straightened his tie, switched on the lights and stared at the door. There was a knock. At first a low, almost diffident one. Gary said nothing. Now another knock - this time a little louder.
“Come in”
The door opened slowly. Gary by now was on his feet walking over to his chair in which he saw patients.
“Good Morning” said a cheerful voice.
“Good Morning Mr.Branchest. Please take a seat.” said Gary waving to the couch not looking at the man.
The man seemed to hesitate. Gary looked up. It was an old face covered in a white beard, at the moment registering a little confusion. The man was short, stocky and smartly dressed in a gray suit and a blazing red tie. He carried a walking stick with an ornate handle on which he leaned heavily. The face seemed somewhat familiar but did not register.
“I think your receptionist didn’t get the name completely right….”
“It is Branchest isn’t it. Please take a seat and we can begin shortly” repeated Gary a little short of patience at the moment.
“Yes it most definitely Branchest” He seemed to have made up his mind as he sat down.
“So Mr.Branchest would you like to begin by telling me a little about yourself”
The man looked up looked at Gary for a couple of seconds before replying.
“Sure.” He relapsed into silence staring silently at his shoes. This was not unusual so Gary waited patiently.
“Have you ever had fortune cookies Dr.Walsh?” he said looking up finally.
“What? The kind you get in Asian restaurants? Sure”
“I always ask for mine before the meal”
Gary waited for more but the man relapsed into silence again so after a few minutes
“Tell me about yourself Mr.Branchest. It usually is a good way to start a conversation about anything that might be on your mind”
“I’d rather you told me something about yourself Dr.Walsh”
“Sure, if it makes you comfortable.” Gary said trying not to sigh. “I was born in Atlanta. I went to North Atlanta high school. I was accepted in Harvard for my Pre-medical and that is where I graduated in medicine. I subsequently specialized in Adult Psychiatry and did Research at Harvard. I have been married for 14 years now and have been in Boston for the last 25 years.”
“ Your research in Harvard…how many papers did you write? Who was your mentor?”
“Yes, I did. I submitted two papers in Adult Psychiatry - one on the effects of the current educational methods on adult Psychology and the second on the effects of the self-conditioning of the human mind and its effects. I had a brilliant mentor named Dr.Rodman. He definitely helped me gain insights that I normally would never have by myself. A brilliant man. But enough about me Mr.Blanchest…or may I call you Henry?”
The old man nodded slowly.
“Enough about me Henry…tell me about yourself.”
“Does your wife love you Dr.Walsh?”
“I am sure she does Henry”, said Gary. He definitely was not going to talk about his marriage in front of a complete stranger and a patient at that.
“My wife never loved me. No, I don’t think she ever did. I think she only married me for my money. She is 20 years younger than me you know. I guess it was a mid-life crisis that made me ask her to marry me. I never would have in my right mind. But then when I come to think of it I do love her dearly. I haven’t given her much apart from money these last few years, although god knows I have tried. I was diagnosed as impotent two years back doctor and I am too old both in temperament and physically to indulge her anymore although I still try.”
This was interesting, thought Gary. His patients were not usually so forthcoming so early on in a conversation. A regular problem, usually, was denial in its many manifest forms. His interest piqued, he said “Please go on”.
“Well there is not much to say actually. Where would you like me to begin?”
“Wherever you think is a good, early point of relevance Henry,” Gary said settling back into his chair
“Hmmm….I was born in Boston…I was the…..you know doctor…I don’t think any of it is of any consequence. Let me tell you about what is bothering me.”
“If it….”
But before Gary could finish the old man interjected “I have been having a dream for the past three days. It begins the same way always but stops abruptly at some point. I can’t tell you how troubled I am because of it.”
Gary fell silent and the old man continued.
“The dream is the same, but every time, it ends differently. I am sleeping…sleeping peacefully. The windows are open but the curtains drawn. I can see the curtains billow from the wind. It is dark outside. My eyes open quite suddenly in the dream. I am wide awake. The fear doctor…the fear is…was very real. Fear for reasons I don’t know. I was sweating profusely even though it was quite cold. It is panic I have never experienced before. The fear was mind-numbing doctor. I don’t know why but it engulfs me completely.
As I am catching my breath, I hear a car start, rev up its engine. The sound slowly fades away.
I got out of bed and slowly made my way to my wife’s bedroom. Yes we sleep in separate bedrooms, we have been for 4 years now. Her bedroom is on a separate floor. My bedroom is on the first floor, hers on the ground floor. The wooden stairs creak sometimes, so I was rather careful not to make any noise as I walked down. The room had its lights switched and I was very curious about it. When I walked in the bed was empty. She wasn’t there. I walked back quickly to my bedroom and got dressed but really what was I to do. I didn’t know where she had gone. I checked all the windows of the house for a possible break-in. Everything was as it normally is and the burglar alarm was still turned on. I looked around the house for a note of some indication she might have left but there is nothing. I just found her cell phone on the dining table in the kitchen. What was I to do? It was 1 in the morning and too early to call anyone. Even if I did want to call anyone, I don’t know anybody she would visit at that hour.
So I walk back to my room, slowly undress and go back to bed. I can’t sleep. Images of where she could have gone keep filling my mind. My wife, doctor is a very transparent woman. I know she does not possess any feelings deeper for me beyond a sympathetic affection but I do know she would never have an affair behind my back. She is well provided for as I had promised when I had proposed marriage. She could leave me anytime she wanted without really jeopardizing her financial situation. I think the only thing that keeps her with me still is her conscience but I know this much after having lived with her for several years. If she had found someone, she would leave me and she wouldn’t hide it. This also is an implicit understanding in our marriage…the reasons I say that are far too many for me to go into now.
But there was this nameless fear throughout the dream. I do not know why. It was overpowering. I could not sleep in the dream. I toss and turn….finally around 3 in the morning I fall asleep. This is how the dream ended two days back. It was too real for me to forget about it in the morning. I remember every single detail. Always the nameless fear when I think about it. Always.”
The old man paused for a few seconds.
“But the day before yesterday…in the dream, the things went much further. I had the same dream. I am sleeping in the dream. I wake up with panic on my mind in the middle of the night. Scared…very scared. So scared that I am filled with fear now as I think about how it felt. The same things happened - the car started and slowly faded away, I went to my wife’s bedroom to see if she was there, she wasn’t. I got dressed; I walked downstairs; I looked for a note….but this time…this time I walked out of the door instead of going back to bed. I walked and I walked without direction or reason not knowing where I wanted to go. There is just the overpowering need to keep walking. It was very cold outside and the streets completely deserted. Yet I couldn’t stop walking. I watch the night lights, curious thoughts keeps flitting into my mind. I see a cigarette ad and wonder how it is like to smoke. I am filled with this overpowering need to smoke. Doctor I have never smoked in my entire life.
And then I felt a presence behind me. I was too afraid to look back. I walked a little faster. But whoever it was wouldn’t go away. I walked as fast as I could. The person was till following at the same pace…getting closer and closer. I begin to run as fast as I can. I am trying to escape something but I don’t know what. Suddenly I find myself in front of my house. I let myself in trembling. I quickly lock the door using all the latches on it and go to my room. Trembling, I sit on the bed for sometime catching my breath. Then I change and lie down. After sometime I fall asleep.”
The old man fell silent.
“You said you have been having this dream for three days now. Did you have the same dream last night again?” Gary said
“Yes”
“What happened?”
The old man seemed to hesitate, seemingly in the grip of some strong emotion. Seeing this Gary said
“You have to tell me everything Henry. There is little I can do without all the information.”
After a brief pause the old man began again
“Yesterday night I had the dream but again it went much further. It is the same till the part I start walking. But from there it differs. I don’t go back to my room and sleep. I keep walking for a long time. I feel the same presence behind me. And I begin to run as fast as I can. But this time whoever it is, is gaining on me. I feel the presence much closer with every step I take. He is right behind me. He is almost touching me. I look back. There is nobody….but the presence, the presence is still there, almost touching me.
Suddenly I feel something hit me on the backside. Not just my back. The entire backside. The back of my arms, the back of my head to the back of my legs. Everything. It is…was like being hit with a solid wall. It was a curious sensation doctor and immediately after I felt completely devoid of all fear. It was as if some great force had sucked it out of me in one split second. Suddenly everything was clear. It was not just fear I was devoid of. I was devoid of all emotion and yet the night was clearer and everything had the curious sensation of a dream. It was very clear. It was very clear.
I stopped walking and a little distance away and as I was contemplating what to do next, I could see a figure walking out of a house. I remember looking at the name of the street. It was East India Street.”
Gary’s heart skipped a beat as he recognized the name of the street. East India Street which was right beside the Boston Harbor was where he lived. Unable to speak he listened intently.
“I still don’t know what made me follow her but I did. As I got closer, I recognized the black hair and the brown coat she was wearing. She had a brown suitcase in her hand, my wife. I kept following her silently at a distance. At one point I think she felt someone following her because she looked back. I ducked into the shadows. Doctor I don’t do such things and God knows I am too old for this…but throughout the time I seemed to know exactly what to do and I kept following her.”
Something struck Gary quite suddenly. This woman’s description could easily have been that of his wife. He nodded and listened intently
“At one point I thought I heard my wife sob, but it was only once when I was too close to her. She was in a hurry. I do not know if it was because she sensed someone following her or because she needed to get someplace fast but she started walking very quickly. I walked quickly myself now to keep up with her. Doctor I get tired nowadays if I walk for a few blocks. I can’t even imagine myself…I mean…I couldn’t possibly do the things I was doing.
It was I think 5 in the morning by then because I remember glancing at my watch. She stopped in front of an apartment complex and started walking up the steps. I moved very fast. I had my hand on her mouth before she realized it and dragged her down the steps. I slowly led her with my hand over her mouth to the waterfront. She struggled a bit but I was very firm with her.”
“Then…..then…,” the old man shuddered as he stared at Gary with eyes wide, “then I hit her head several times against a pole until she fainted….Dr.Walsh I can’t go on…I killed her and….” the old man stopped staring at Gary with bewildered eyes.
Gary’s mind was racing now. The odds of something like this happening were very miniscule. It could just be a dream the old man was describing. Even if it weren’t a dream…and the old man’s memory was far too clear and accurate for something like this to be a dream…the chances that this was his wife were very slim. Yet in spite of the extreme improbability of something like this Gary was scared. He had to speak to Sarah immediately.
“Henry I suggest you relax for a while. Lie down and try not to think about the dream. I will be right back in a few minutes and we will continue this session”
With that Gary left the room and walked up to his receptionist.
“Under no circumstances is that man in my office to leave”.
He then left the bewildered woman staring at his back while he quickly walked to an adjoining room and whipped out his cell phone to call his wife on her mobile.
“Hello.” came his wife’s voice sweeping an immense relief over Gary
“Sarah….it’s me. We need to talk.”
“Yes. We do”
“I love you,” Gary said but there was no reply at the other end. Just a silent sobbing that seemed to torture him.
“Sarah I will call you in a few minutes. We need to talk. I love you and I never want you to forget that. Do you hear me?”
“Yes.” came her voice in between sobs.
“Give me a few minutes.” he said and with that disconnected the phone and quickly walked back to his office.
He opened the door and said “Henry…” but the old man was talking animatedly on his cell phone. He saw Gary and said, “Just a minute” into the phone and looked up.
“I am sorry. That was my wife. She was wondering where I was”. He then leaned into the phone again before he looked up and said “I don’t know why doctor but she is quite insistent about speaking to you. Would you please….” he said smiling.
“Sure.” Gary said and took the phone from the old man. “Hello, Mrs.Branchest”
“Doctor please tell him he is just fine. There is absolutely nothing wrong with him. I asked him not to visit you but he was quite adamant. It is just a bad dream.” came a crisp voice.
‘Mrs.Branchest…I will, just as soon as I complete this session.” he said smiling at the old man.
“Thank you doctor. It is just a dream. I have had recurring dreams and they don’t mean anything really.”
“I wouldn’t go as far as that Mrs.Branchest” Gary said still smiling “but I am pretty sure there is nothing wrong with your husband”
“Thank you Dr.Walsh.”
“You have a good day now. Bye”. And with that he gave the phone back to the old man.
Sitting down Gary said “Tell me something Henry. Have you been angry a lot lately?”
“Not really. I have always had a violent temper but over the years have learnt to check it. I rarely ever get angry nowadays.”
“You have never had any strong violent feelings off-late?”
“None that I can recall. You see that is why this dream scares me.”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean, is it quite possible for me to have a lot of bottled up anger over the years?”
“Yes it is quite possible but there are always other symptoms. A dream is too little to go by really.”
“You mean I am just fine?”
“Yes I would have to say. Here’s what we will do. Let us make an appointment for you in two weeks time. In the meantime I need you to think and when we meet we will go into a little more history to see if there is really anything you need”
With that Gary stood up, shook the old man’s hand and wished him with a “Have a good day, Henry.” and left the room.
The old man collected himself, walked out and after completing the formalities with the receptionist, left the building.
He walked towards his car, a Mercedes 2003 S class and opened the rear door. He threw in his coat and the papers the clinic gave him, when something caught his eye. It was a bright yellow wrapped box, the size of a small shoebox. It seemed like gift although he didn’t have any recollection of anyone, including himself, putting it there.
He tore the wrapping. It was made of corrugated cardboard inside. He opened it gingerly. His eyes widened as he looked inside. Staring at it he took out his cell phone and dialed.
“Hello, Operator I would like to report a homicide.”
“Where are you calling from? Is the body in front of you?”
“No. I am calling from Charlotte Blvd.”
“I am sending someone as we speak. Can you identify the victim?”
“No.”
“Did you witness the homicide?”
“I believe I did sir”
“Can you identify the perpetrator?”
“Yes.” he said staring at the severed index finger in the box, complete with a wedding band on it. |
 |
|
|
|
|
